Essay

Picture a dark alley. It is damp and dirty and there is a very distinct smell in the air; a combination of sewage, dumpsters, decaying rats, and the inescapable smell of the homeless. Now imagine a young teenage girl entering, her hair is ratted and greasy, her clothes are old and torn. She looks frightened but you feel that she is determined and desperate. You yell inside yourself for the girl to run but she will never listen. She keeps walking. Suddenly she is gone. Pulled behind a dumpster by men she never expected. Her screaming blends with the screams of the city. No one can hear her. No one cares.

You may ask yourself, “What possessed this girl to put herself in a situation like this?” Well, it’s simple, very sad but simple, nonetheless. She has an increasing addiction to drugs. It has cost her everything. She has no family, no friends, no love, no hope, and no self-respect. She will do anything to get her next fix.

Far beyond anyone’s help this young girl risks her own life to get the one thing that is ruining it. It sounds hard to believe but it is a depressing fact that much of the world is ignoring. Young kids all across the country are getting caught up in drug use more rapidly than before. It is “the cool thing to do” in so many schools and if you don’t have a drug addiction you are seen as a failure.

How did this happen? It is a hard question to answer. With the recent decline in the economy more adults are turning to drugs to fix their problems. Well if a child sees their father or their mother doing drugs why shouldn’t they? Obviously the people that are supposed to be teaching them right from wrong think it is an okay thing to do. Society is becoming weak, always looking for the easy way out of every situation. This will never lead to success. It leads to teenage girls selling their bodies to men old enough to be their fathers so they can get another high. It is a silent tragedy that happens every day. It is truly sickening.

A wakeup call is needed desperately.

Love

Here we are again
I am at your side
I help you keep going
I don’t know how


I try so hard
But you just don’t care
Your addictions are too important
Their pull is too strong


You love them
But I love you
They take you away from me
I’m left alone


If only you could see
Just how much I need you
All the nights I’ve cried for you
Everything I’ve missed for you


I wish you could get well
I wish I could help you
I just want more time
Just a little


Remember that day?
The last time?
I loved that day
You never realized it


I cannot leave you
Though I wish I could
I will be here for you
Being taken advantage of


Because this is love
And I cannot fight it

I Remember..

I remember the carelessness
brought with summer
I remember laughing
laughing like I never had

I remember the fights
and I regret them
I remember the things I said
if only I could take them back

I remember that day
when we first knew
I remember being skeptic
now I don’t know why

I remember the way his voice was
the way he said it
I remember him perfectly
his lips, his eyes, his skin

I remember the last time
when he was slipping away
I remember crying
so much crying

But now I just remember us
I remember our life
it was perfect, crazy and perfect
That’s all I want to remember

Journal Entry

Stan #11

I hope you get a chance to read this letter. I hope it helps to change your mind. I need your forgiveness. I can’t live another day knowing that you still hate me. I promise I never wanted to hurt you. You are my entire life, everything good anyway. I know I wasn’t there but please understand that I’ll do anything to make up for that. I know how badly you needed me and I wish that I could have been there for you. Honestly, I don’t know why I wasn’t. I guess I was just stupid and selfish. I thought that these addictions were more important than you. That was the biggest mistake of my life.

I am so sorry for all the times you cried over me. I always hated seeing you cry and knowing that you are crying because of me hurts more than I can say. You never deserved anything I put you through. Some days I wish that we hadn’t met and fallen so deeply in love. Not because I didn’t love every moment that we had together but because I think that maybe it wasn’t worth all the pain I’ve caused you. You could have been happy. You could have had a good, easy life. A life without me. But I can’t imagine a life without you. I just want you to know that I love you more now than I ever have. Looking back I can see how much you did for me and everything you suffered through. You truly are perfect.

I love you with all my heart. I will always love you even if you can't love me. I pray every night for your forgiveness. Please remember that. I hope I hear back from you but I understand if you don't want anything to do with me.

With all my love,
Stanley

Impulse 2

Girl: Why did you bring me here?
Boy: I thought you liked it here?
Girl: Well, I do.
Boy: Than what is the problem?
Girl: You just should have asked me if I wanted to come here.
Boy: Oh.. Sorry. Do you want to leave?
Girl: No. If you want to be here that’s okay.
Boy: Well I don’t want you to be mad.
Girl: My mood doesn’t depend on where we are.
Boy: What does it depend on then?
Girl: Nothing. It doesn’t matter.
Boy: It does matter. I don’t want to be with someone that isn’t happy.
Girl: I am. Just not all the time.
Boy: You used to be.
Girl: ...What does that mean?
Boy: I’m just saying that we used to be happy. We used to be perfect.
Girl: We still are perfect.
Boy: No, we aren’t. We fight all the time. We don’t even spend time together except when we have to.
Girl: What... What are you saying?
Boy: I’m just saying that maybe this isn’t working out.
Girl: Are you serious?
Boy: (In a hushed, ashamed voice) Yes.
Girl: You told me you loved me. You asked me to marry you!
Boy: We were so young. We didn’t really love each other.
(She is crying)
Boy: Look, we’ve been trying to make this work for so long. We clearly aren’t meant to be together.
Girl: You are throwing everything away! Why? Tell me why!
Boy: I told you. We aren’t meant t-
Girl: No! What is the real reason?
Boy: You don’t want to know.
Girl: Tell me right now.
Boy: Fine! You are too emotional. I can’t even stand to be around you anymore. You get mad over the littlest things and you complain about every stupid thing that happens to you. I’m sick of listening to it all day.
Girl: I... How... I... I’m sorry.
Boy: I’ll help you move your stuff out.
Girl: (quietly) ...Okay.
(She leaves crying)

Character Sketch

Eric Stevens

A tall, dark-haired boy walks through a dark, menacing alley. To any other person terror would flood their body immediately upon entering this threatening hole, but to Eric it was a home away from home. The smell of the cab’s exhaust and the rotting fish in the dumpsters was soothing to him. A grueling childhood with violent parents led him to this life. He walks to the end of the alley and ducks under a curtain into a hazy, smoke-filled room. The young girls that sell their own bodies to put more needle marks in their arms, to him, are like children playing hopscotch and jump-rope on the sidewalk. Years of living in fear of the next time he did something that angered his father and the subsequent beating that always followed have made him tough and cold. He shows no emotions. It’s almost as if he has none at all. Human life is worthless to him. If he has to take a life, it’s business, nothing more. He’s been hurt more than society will ever really understand and because of this lack of understanding he is forced to be alone. To fight for himself and never let another person hurt him again.

The Impulse

Woman: Please, can we talk about this?

Man: I don’t think talking is going to help.

Woman: Yes it will. I need to explain.

Man: What possible explanation could you have?

Woman: Listen to me. I know I hurt you in the past and I’m so sorry but you weren’t there that night. You don’t understand.

Man: No, you’re right, I wasn’t there. I was sitting at home worried sick because I didn’t know where my wife was.

Woman: How many times are you going to make me apologize?

Man: You can apologize as much as you want, it won’t change what you did.

Woman: You have to know that I regret every action and every thought. I will never do that to you again.

Man: How am I supposed to believe you?

Woman: I’m your wife and you love me. I know you love me.

Man: I used to love you.

Woman: How can you say that? I made one mistake and I’ve apologized for it every second since the day it happened. That can’t change the way you’ve felt for the last 6 years.

Man: He changed the way you felt about me in just a couple hours.

Woman: That is not fair. I never stopped loving you.

Man: So it’s okay to sleep with someone who isn’t the man you love? Is that what you’re saying?

Woman: No. I’m saying I was stupid that night. I got myself into something I couldn’t get out of. You have to know that I never stopped loving you or forgot about you.

Man: Oh I see. So while you were with him you were thinking of me? That makes me feel so comforted.

Woman: No… that’s not what I mean.

Man: Okay so if you are being honest about 7 months ago than what happened tonight? Were you thinking about me tonight while you were upstairs with him?

Woman: I didn’t do anything with him tonight!

Man: You were alone with him for 30 minutes! How can you say nothing happened?

Woman: Because nothing did happen. I swear. I could never hurt you again like I did.

Man: I just can’t trust you. The part of me that fell in love with you wants to believe you but every other logical part of me just can’t.

Woman: I told him to leave. I said I never wanted to see him again.

Man: And that took a half hour?

Woman: Yes. I explained to him what I’m explaining to you now. I told him I loved my husband and that I would never love him. I told him that I regretted every second of that night and he meant nothing to me.

Man: So you don’t have feelings for him.

Woman: No, none at all. I love you and only you. Don’t you know that?

Man: I thought I did but now I’m not sure.

Woman: Please just remember how happy we’ve been together. How perfect everything has been. Remember that we are everything to each other.

Man: I know. I want to tell you I forgive you but I think it’s going to take some time.

Woman: So we can make this work?

Man: Yes. I think we can.

First Page

Jacob's Journal

April 12, 1993: Robert Sundell is shot outside a Las Vegas courthouse and, after being in a coma for a week, died. The previous morning he had been in court on his last attempt of getting and alleged killer off the streets. He hadn't lost a case in 6 years and he wasn't going to let this case end his perfect record. The entire night before the last day of the trial he spent preparing his closing arguments. They had to be just right and, after hours of work, he knew they were. At 11:00 a.m. he received a call informing him that the jury had agreed on a verdict. He threw on his suit and raced to the courthouse. The verdict was guilty. Finally after a full day of deliberation Juan Alvarez was sentenced to twenty-five years to life for the murders of a drug store owner and his wife.
Robert walked out of the courthouse with a well-deserved feeling of accomplishment. He had just pulled out his cell phone to call his wife and tell her the good news when he heard shouting behind him. As he turned to see what the chaos was about he was shot twice in the chest.
He was pronounced dead at the scene.
Nine years later a young boy sits on an old creaky bed in small one-bedroom apartment in a city full of drug addicts and criminals. He sat listening to the sounds of his empty stomach. His eyes burned from lack of sleep due to the screams of helpless women and the echoes of gunshots coming from the street below. In his hands he held a journal that looked as if it was 50 years old. This journal was his only worldly possession and he kept it with him all day and when he went to sleep at night he hid it safely under his pillow.
This boys name is Jacob Sundell. He is thirteen years old. Years ago he used to live in a beautiful house in a quiet suburban neighborhood. His family had a great life. Jake's father was a renowned lawyer for the Las Vegas District Attorney but, because of his long hours at work, he hardly ever saw his only son. His mother, however, was a photographer and she would take him to photo shoots. He loved spending the day with his mother. She was his best friend. These are the days Jake dreams of. The days he prays to go back to so badly.
After his father's death Jake and his mother lost everything. The hospital bills took everything they had. They were broke and homeless.
His mother began sinking into a deep and dark depression. She became a person that Jake didn't know, she wasn't his best friend anymore. Her photographs showed her sadness and she lost all her business. After spending a month living in their car she found a job as a waitress in a diner 30 minutes south of their old home.
The money she made in the diner wasn't enough to support them and her cocaine addiction. On her bad nights when she didn't have money to buy drugs she would trade her body to get what she needed. Those nights Jake would sit home all alone in their old, run-down, dirty apartment praying that he would live until the morning. There was no money for food so often he would have to go a few days without eating unless his mom could bring home food from the diner. This food, although it was old and repulsive, was the best food Jake got.
On the 9th year anniversary of his father's death, Allison Sundell spent the night on a coke binge which left Jacob alone once again. He sat on the bed that him and his mother were forced to share, reading and re-reading the words he had written the night before. Little did he know that the events that he recorded in his raggedy old journal would ultimately lead to his death.

Intro

For as long as I have know how to write I have loved it. I've never been a fan of reading but I know it is important to examine other authors works. It helps us become more rounded writers. I can't say I hate reading because I really don't, I actually like it when I find the right book, but finding the right book turns out to be an extremely hard task.

I write in my journal every night. I love being able to write down exactly what I'm feeling in that moment and then let it go. So many of my journal entries are sad or frustrated because those are the feelings I want to get out and on paper. The things I write when I'm sitting alone in my room are the most personal and tell the most about who I really am. I'm not afraid to write exactly how I feel. I love that. I love not being afraid. I often care too much about what people think but there is that one moment that no one else matters. It cannot be explained correctly.

I often write poetry at night too. It is very alike to my journal because of how personal it is. Every poem has a story and feelings behind it from my own life. I think that is what makes poetry so raw and real. The feelings are real. The pain, the joy, the fear, it's all real. I love being able to express the way I feel in this way. I think poetry is beautiful and I deeply respect all forms of it.

So, basically, I love writing with all my heart. It is the best way to relieve stress and pain and just get every emotion out. I think it is amazing to be able to write down the way you feel one day and look back at it 20 years later and know exactly what feelings you had. I will write for the rest of my life. I don't want to be famous, I don't even want anyone to read my work most of the time. I do it for the satisfaction it brings me just by writing my ideas or emotions down.