Journal Entry

Stan #11

I hope you get a chance to read this letter. I hope it helps to change your mind. I need your forgiveness. I can’t live another day knowing that you still hate me. I promise I never wanted to hurt you. You are my entire life, everything good anyway. I know I wasn’t there but please understand that I’ll do anything to make up for that. I know how badly you needed me and I wish that I could have been there for you. Honestly, I don’t know why I wasn’t. I guess I was just stupid and selfish. I thought that these addictions were more important than you. That was the biggest mistake of my life.

I am so sorry for all the times you cried over me. I always hated seeing you cry and knowing that you are crying because of me hurts more than I can say. You never deserved anything I put you through. Some days I wish that we hadn’t met and fallen so deeply in love. Not because I didn’t love every moment that we had together but because I think that maybe it wasn’t worth all the pain I’ve caused you. You could have been happy. You could have had a good, easy life. A life without me. But I can’t imagine a life without you. I just want you to know that I love you more now than I ever have. Looking back I can see how much you did for me and everything you suffered through. You truly are perfect.

I love you with all my heart. I will always love you even if you can't love me. I pray every night for your forgiveness. Please remember that. I hope I hear back from you but I understand if you don't want anything to do with me.

With all my love,
Stanley